Sadly, the holidays aren’t always a warm celebration, but an avalanche of loneliness, frustration, or grief. What do you do when you choose not to spend time with your family and feel guilt instead of joy?
This increasingly common experience is painful, especially if you’re experiencing pushback from your family. Another side-effect of not spending holidays with family is navigating your anguish or experiencing stigma for your decision.
I don’t want you to hang your head and feel defeated during the holiday season. I’m going to explore this type of guilt below, where it comes from, and how you can learn to be confident in your decision.
Why Some People Aren’t Spending The Holidays With Family
According to a recent USAToday study, 85% of Americans surveyed admitted they avoid family over the holidays. This staggering number is a sign of a growing trend in today’s society, but where does it come from and why?
The same statistic cited money, politics, religion, and family issues as the most common reasons people avoid family gatherings. Many Americans dread heated arguments or emotional fall-outs with family members, so they decide to skip the process entirely and spend the holidays alone or with friends.
If any of these reasons resonate with you, let’s explore them further and unpack the guilt that often comes with this decision.
Common Reasons Why People Feel Guilty Avoiding Holiday Family Gatherings
If you’re confident in your decision to skip Christmas dinner or ‘maybe try the New Year’s Eve party next year’, then why do you feel terrible? The reasons why people feel guilty about this are vast, ranging from feeling like they’re being unreasonable to feeling like a traitor.
“What if they never want to talk to me again?”, you might be asking. “Maybe I’m being too harsh.” could be another thing you’re telling yourself.
No matter the source of your guilt, retreating into isolation and convincing yourself you’re alone in your struggle is a common coping strategy. I’m here to tell you you’re far from alone. Many people choose to spend the holidays alone because they need space or choose to spend time with friends because they haven’t seen them in a while.
Others avoid family gatherings because they fell out with a family member. A YouGov study found around one in four Americans are estranged from at least one family member.
Another study by Pillemer found 10% of Americans stating they’re estranged from a parent or a child. That’s one out of every ten people. Next time you’re standing in a crowd or riding the bus, there’s a good chance a few people around you are going through the same thing.
Let’s analyze healthy coping mechanisms so you can rebuild your confidence and still enjoy the festivities.
Remember Your Reasons For Not Going
When you feel the spiral of guilt pulling you out of everyday life, it’s crucial to remember your reasons for not going to the gathering. While it’s painful to remember a painful past argument or pattern of toxic behavior, it’ll be the foundation you need to stand firm in your choice.
Journaling your thoughts is a helpful way to process your emotions while reminding yourself of what’s important. Write down a list of reasons, vent, grieve, craft a poem – all of it will give you physical evidence when you’re tempted to change your mound.
Embrace Healthy Boundaries In Your Relationships
If you’re still in touch with your family after the holidays, you may wonder if not going to a family gathering will be a permanent stain on your connection with them. I’m here to remind you that boundary-setting is a necessary foundation for any healthy relationship.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t love someone anymore. In fact, they mean the exact opposite! Your boundaries are you expressing your limits and needs in an attempt to keep the relationship, not end it.
Don’t Stuff Down Your Negative Emotions
You may be tempted to distract yourself to ‘just get through the holidays’. While there’s nothing wrong with taking a break, try not to stuff down the negative emotions you’re feeling with alcohol or partying.
Giving yourself room to cry, feel frustrated, or vent to a friend is important to process what you’re feeling. Ignoring or tamping down on your feelings will just have them bubbling up later when you need it least.
Reach Out To A Coach When You Need Some Help
There’s nothing wrong with needing help as you navigate the bumps in your life’s road. Sometimes the guilt is too much or you need a fresh set of eyes on your situation.
Jasmine Coaching and Wellness has been a powerful resource for people in similar situations to yours, providing a mixture of practical advice and healthy coping mechanisms. No matter the reasons why you’re avoiding a family gathering, I’m here to listen without judgment and help you come out of the other end stronger.
References:
https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/travel-insurance/holiday-traditions
https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/44817-poll-family-ties-proximity-and-estrangement
https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-sparkler-in-hands-celebrating-new-year-5472928
