When your partner commits an act of infidelity, it can leave you both feeling confused, disheartened, and mistrustful. Should you choose to continue the relationship, you have a high mountain to climb before the foundation of trust that once existed can be fully rebuilt. The important thing to remember, though, is that it is possible.
Today, we’re going to explore what trust truly means and exactly how trust manifests itself in a relationship. We will attempt to understand the reasons behind acts of infidelity, how you can make thoughtful decisions moving forward, and how it is never too late to start anew.
The Importance of Trust
Trust is the most important aspect of any healthy relationship. Even non-romantic relationships can suffer great tension when faced with a betrayal. This is why infidelity is considered to be such a severe offense in romantic partnerships that breaks the trust that has likely taken an incredibly long time to build and maintain.
When you trust your partner, that means that you are confident that they have your best interests at heart, respect you, and will remain loyal. Without trust, insecurity and doubt can take over, causing significant emotional distress.
According to Psychology Today, trust is built through consistency, honesty, and vulnerability. When trust is broken by infidelity, rebuilding it can feel like an insurmountable task, but with dedication and effort, it is possible.
What Does Trust Look Like?
There isn’t just one form of trust. For example, you may find that you trust your partner with one thing, like fidelity, but you can’t trust them to handle your finances. Or, you can trust your partner not to cheat on you in a sexual context, but you don’t believe they respect you emotionally.
Let’s break down the different types of trust so you can determine exactly where trust may be lacking in your relationship:
- Emotional Trust: This means feeling safe to express your true, deep feelings and thoughts without being afraid of judgment or ridicule. Rebuilding this involves open, honest communication and active listening
- Practical Trust: This is relying on your partner to fulfill promises and responsibilities. Consistent behavior that aligns with words helps to restore this trust.
- Physical Trust: This involves feeling secure and respected in each other’s presence, particularly during physical interactions.
- Financial Trust: Being transparent and responsible with financial matters. Open communication about finances and shared financial goals are key to rebuilding this trust.
- Sexual Trust: This means feeling respected in your sexual relationship and trusting your partner to be faithful and respectful of boundaries.
- Communicative Trust: You should have confidence that your partner will communicate honestly and openly. Having an open dialogue environment and promptly addressing concerns can rebuild this trust.
Understand The “Why”
In order to rebuild trust after infidelity, there cannot be lingering questions left between the two partners. This means that the partner who has been cheated on must feel confident that they have been told the entire story.
When you understand the “why,” you have a more solid idea of what led to the act of cheating. While there are no true excuses for this behavior, an explanation can go a long way in clearing up remaining suspicion and doubt.
Some common reasons for infidelity, as highlighted by Dr. Scott M. Stanley, include: - Limited commitment to the current relationship
- Decreasing satisfaction within the relationship
- Permissive attitudes toward extramarital sexual relations
- Insecure attachment styles, including both avoidant and anxious tendencies
- Differences in individual sexual restraint and arousal levels
These root issues are much more easily addressed than simply brushing off the action and assuming it is because your partner no longer loves you. Understanding why this happened is the first step to rebuilding trust and ensuring that history does not repeat itself.
Sometimes, cheating can be a mere symptom of a larger mental health issue. Your partner could be self-sabotaging because they don’t believe that they deserve you, or they could be struggling with a substance abuse issue.
Don’t Make A Snap Decision
When you initially discover your partner’s infidelity, your immediate reaction will almost always be one of (understandable) hurt and anger. That being said, it is important not to act on those emotions immediately and instead take time to lay out your course of action thoughtfully. Here are some steps that will aid in that process:
1. Take Time to Process Emotions
There’s nothing wrong with telling your partner you need time to collect yourself and your thoughts. This is much better than simply lashing out, which may worsen the situation. Only proceed with the healing process once you’ve had time to consider the situation in length.
2. Gather Necessary Information
Before making any decisions, gather all the information you need about the infidelity. Understand the context and reasons behind it, and communicate with your partner to get a complete picture. This will help you make a more informed decision.
3. Seek Professional Assistance
Seeking aid from a relationship coach or therapist can provide clarity and help guide you during your healing process. A professional can help you navigate your emotions, offer unbiased perspectives, and assist in making a well-informed decision about your relationship’s future.
4. Approach Healing with Patience
Healing from infidelity is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through the issues. A clear mind and a patient approach are vital to making thoughtful decisions you won’t regret later.
It’s Never Too Late For A New Beginning
Rebuilding trust after a partner has cheated is undoubtedly challenging, but it is possible with the right approach and mindset. Trust involves consistent actions, open communication, and understanding the root causes of infidelity.
Remember, there’s nothing wrong with seeking guidance and a new perspective during this difficult time. Jasmine Coaching and Wellness is here to offer support through intimate, non-judgmental coaching sessions. It’s never too late to begin again and create a healthier, more trusting relationship.
References: - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201401/trust-and-betrayal
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201710/is-partner-who-has-cheated-likely-cheat-again
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-matters/202102/will-partner-who-cheated-cheat-again
- https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/the-five-forms-of-trust-in-a-relationship/
